The film is complete but the work has just begun

Many months before the #MeToo and #TimesUp campaign got the mainstream attention it rightfully deserved, a tiny revolution was brewing in Chennai, when two women decided to collaborate on a film project. The #MeToo campaign was long overdue, but I wish to take a moment to acknowledge so many tiny revolutions spearheaded by thousands of women all over the world that paved the way for this pivotal movement. Making this film consumed the past three years of my life, and despite the horrors and impediments that threatened its completion at every step, I find solace in having contributed to the fight.

When Hannah (Executive Producer & intern) and I decided to explore workplace sexual harassment, we had no clue about the complexity that would unravel in front of us layer by layer. By the time we fully grasped the enormity of the project, it was too late to withdraw. Perhaps that explains why there wasn’t a single investigative film that broached this topic.

As with most independent filmmakers, raising money was a major hurdle for us. Our crowdfunding attempt didn’t achieve 70% of our shoestring budget target. We felt the project was doomed even before it began. Of course, this wasn’t the first time I was crowdfunding a film. I’ve raised money successfully on several occasions in the past. However, it seemed like the film’s subject matter was making people hesitant to donate. Sexual harassment is a topic that is rarely addressed and mostly misunderstood, which is why I sensed vehement resistance even within the urban “liberal” crowd. These are the same people who would rather throw their money on glaringly sexist stand-up shows. But who am I to tell people that their social media angst is pointless if they can’t see their own hypocrisy?

But there were a few good people along the road as well. Those who generously contributed towards the film; total strangers who opened their homes to us; friends who gave us their time, space & equipment and an endless supply of encouragement that saw us through difficult times – I can’t be grateful enough to every one of them for making these difficult years manageable.

Making a film on women’s issues isn’t exactly a pleasant experience for anybody. To say that it was difficult to deal with stories of trauma on a daily basis would be an understatement – I was constantly on the brink while filming on most days, and worse when we had to sit down to edit the eighteen something hours of footage. It took a toll on all of us, and it was a struggle to not be overwhelmed or maintain objectivity. I didn’t think the impact would be this deep; the way it affected me during every review, be it while doing sound work, music or subtitles – I could never “get used to it” the scars got deeper every single time. As the film progressed despite insurmountable odds, the stories of sexual abuse that kept surfacing from all over the world were a huge dampener to our already low morale. On multiple occasions I felt like the film would make no difference, given the state of the world we live in, and how irredeemable the plight of its women is. Perhaps it was that helplessness that triggered the rage to push myself to see the importance in a film like this. Or maybe it is that rage that made me take this on in the first place. Either way, the film sat squarely on my deteriorating mental health and fiery anger.

The anger wasn’t just mine, but of my entire crew and the women who spoke in our film. We interviewed more than thirty women – CEOs, lawyers, doctors, politicians, activists, academicians; all it took was one phone call and they were more than eager to talk on camera, and it is their willingness and conviction that gives the film its vigor. I am indebted to their grit and the effortless way in which they make the audience feel drawn to the cause. These women aren’t devoid of hope or cowering because of their horrible experiences, they are smashing patriarchy with every word they voice on film. Along with my decision to get the stories of women from around the country out, I had also vowed to put together an all-women crew for telling it. This decision came with its own surprises, shortcomings and joys, but predominantly, we were in this together – brave, resolute and fearless. There are many things I wish to share about my team; it would make for an entire log in itself. I do not have enough words to emphasise the contribution of the two women who stood by me to see this project through. Lisa and Anshu who edited and shot (among others) the film respectively, gave me a profound sense of camaraderie and support during difficult times. It is hard to find a team that feels as invested as you in any project, but with these two, I found the comfort in knowing I can always reach out to them. This was more than just a film for us.

Lisa and I would often joke about how the film has brought us together considering two years ago, we did not know of each other’s existence. The six-eight months that we spent editing the film were filled with tears of anguish and joy – an experience I would kill to relive if I could. I considered myself to be very methodical, and a believer of keeping extensive notes, excel sheets etc. to the point of annoyance, until I met her. When I started working with Lisa, we were an instant tinder match made for filmmakers, if there was such a thing. We could breeze through hours and hours of gut-wrenching record of women from different backgrounds and fit it into the skeleton/structure of the film because we spent the first few months only making notes and excel sheets. And the hours of discussions we would have over a cut, a transition, a word, an intent, and so many different things, were worthy of being made into a film in itself. I didn’t think someone could love their work as much I did, that they would humour me with my peeves over something as mundane as a font type or size – but Lisa did, and she won me over. I don’t just have an editor now, I have a sister and a loving friend who is kind, patient and unbelievably dedicated. How many of you have editors who send you postcards? *raises her hand*

Now that the film is done, a grave sense of withdrawal has hit me. It’s stifling, and the grief is unbearable. Two things stand out for me at this time:

1. the pitiable lives that women in India live; that a two-hour long film is required to educate men to be half decent human beings.
2. that even with a film like this, things are not going to get any better.

But I am trying to hold on to the last shred of invisible hope in doing my bit and you can help me further strengthen this hope. Get in touch with me if you think you can get us to screen the film in your city or if you know of a film festival that would help us leverage our work. Get in touch with us if you have stories to share, or wish to join us in the change we are desperately trying to bring about.

Over the last two years, I can’t remember the time I had a good seven-hour long sleep or had three meals a day, I was completely consumed by this film, and I would do this all over again to question yet another evil that women face. But I hope after all this toil you will refrain from asking, “But what was she wearing?”

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Get in touch via limesodafilms (at) gmail.com